"Don't come any nearer!"

"Don't worry, I'm not who I used to be, I've had extensive therapy. I've realised that I have been using food as a substitute for love and I have the books to prove it. 'Breaking The Cycle', 'Heal Yourself In Seven Days', 'Stop Blaming Yourself Please', and 'Help For The Bedwetting Child' which I picked up by mistake but I've got them all!"

"You come an inch closer and I swear I'll shout my head off."

"Ooo, that is what is known as an empty threat. {Smells her and whines} I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I get the feeling that you still don't completely trust me."

"I don't trust you at all. You tried to eat my Grandmother!"

"Oh, no. I was just being playful. See, wolfies just pretend to do naughty things. I would have never really eaten her, I mean she was a tough old bird! I wouldn't hurt a sausage. Butter would not melt in my mouth. Well, it would melt, of course it would melt, but very slowly. Puff! I give you my solemn wolf word; you are safe with me. You're safe as a brick-built pig house. Now wait here while I plan our escape. We are in romantically reckless danger. How are you at climbing? I nearly fell off three times coming up."

- Wolf and Virginia

"Balcony or corridor, that is the question."

- Wolf

"Virginia, Virginia, Virginia, please tell me you didn't take the Troll Kings magic shoes!"

- Wolf

"Hello again. They're not fully recharged, you see. They don't stay invisible for very long without a proper break. It's a design fault with the shoes. One of many, in fact."

- Wolf

"You're not having them!"

"Having what?"

"The shoes! They're mine!"

{He grabs them} "If you don't get rid of them now you won't be able to later."

"Oh, you're right! Oh you're right...oh I don't want them, they made me fell so strange...I felt so powerful you know? Being invisible...just amazing! Fantastic! How did you know where I was?"

"Smell you."

- Virginia and Wolf

"Giants drink so much they barely have time to reproduce."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Do you think I'm sexy? You're the kind of man I suppose I should be scared of..."

"Virginia, as much as I would love to believe what you're saying to me right now, I'm afraid it's the shoes that are talking. You'd say anything to put them on again."

"Give them back, come on, give them back...oh. Oh, I'm really sorry...I...that was weird. I don't know what came over me."

"They bring out very strange things these shoes."

"Yeah."

"Whatever you're suppressing."

"I'm not suppressing anything. What?"

"Trolls. They've found us. Oh cripes, we're in big, big trouble now."

- Wolf and Virginia

"A beanstalk has a potent smell, it puts off the dogs."

"You don't have to tell me."

"We'll stay up here for a little while, 'til it's safe."

"So how did you get involved with all this anyway?"

"I found myself at a loose end. You know..."

"You were in that prison, weren't you? What were you in for?"

"Nothing much, just a little bit of sheep worrying that's all. Putting a wolf into a prison cell with nowhere to bound, and only able to look at the sky through bars? Now that's inhuman."

- Wolf and Virginia

"What is that?"

"Just my tail."

"Your tail? What?"

"It's not very big this time of month. It's just a little brush."

"You've got a tail?"

"Yeah, so? You have succulent breasts and I don't go on about them all the time, do I? Why don't you touch it? It's perfectly normal."

"If it's normal why do you keep it hidden all the time?"

"Because in case you hadn't noticed, people don't like wolves. Come on, give it a stroke. It won't bite."

{She strokes it, and he gasps} "What?"

"With the fur, not against it!"

"Sorry." {She does it the right way, and he sighs in contentment}

- Virginia and Wolf

"Huffity-puffity! There it is!"

- Wolf

"I mean he can stay out of trouble for one day at least. Can't he?"

"Well, from what I know of your father, I very much doubt it."

- Virginia and Wolf

"You wait here. I'll put the magic shoes on and I'll go back inside the prison."

"No way, you'll never come back. You just want them for yourself!"

"No I don't!"

"You do!"

"Oh...yes I do, but...d'oh! I'm fighting it, unlike you. {They fight over the shoes} I have an idea."

"What?"

"I'll wear them, you hold onto me, 'cause if you're touching me we'll both invisible."

"No! I will wear them, and you can hold on to me."

"You're hopelessly addicted to those shoes. And I'm not too far behind..."

- Wolf and Virginia

"Boy. Your father sure works fast, I'll give him that."

- Wolf

"Just stay away from me."

"We're in a tunnel together, how can I do that?"

- Tony and Wolf

"Oh cripes!"

- Wolf

"Oh, in your dreams Troll Boy!"

- Wolf

"Virginia, would you say that you were hungry for love and approval, but destined for rejection?"

"I'm quite happy as I am, thank you. {Wolf grabs the shoes and throws them overboard} Wait, no! No! No! What did you do that for?!"

"I had to for your own good!"

"You threw away my shoes!"

"You were already dreaming of wearing them tonight, weren't you?"

"Yes, I...how did you know that?"

"Magic is very nice but, it's very easy to get addicted."

"But why didn't you want them? How come you were able to resist the shoes and I wasn't?"

"Because you have such a strong desire to be invisible."

- Wolf and Virginia

"Rise and shine! Wakey wakey! {Howls} It's another beautiful day in the fourth Kingdom."

- Wolf

"You should have joined me on the deck, sleeping under the stars. It was quite magnificent. You look outstandingly gorgeous in the morning. Pert from the front, and a vision from behind."

"Hey, hey."

"What?"

"Just don't look at my daughter like that."

"Was it this look Tony? {He lolls his tongue out of his mouth} Oo, I can't help it! It's animal passion."

"Look...look just stay away from her, all right? You've got a criminal record."

"How can I stay away from her? We're on a very small boat. I may bump into her accidentally at any given moment."

"Will you stop talking about me as if I'm not here?"

- Wolf, Tony and Virginia

"Cripes!"

- Wolf

"Goodness gracious, yes! This is the magic anything-you-touch-turns-to-gold fish."

- Wolf

"Gotta make myself beautiful for Virginia..."

- Wolf

"Every aspect of my life, I am guided to my highest happiness and fulfilment, every day and every way I am becoming a new man. I am sensitive to the needs of women, and I am in touch with my emotions, and I am one with myself. {Grabs book and reads next part} I am full of peace and serenity and I have control...over all of my desires and...and...Tony! You're ruining the bacon; I can smell it burning!"

- Wolf

"It was a simple magic fish spell gold finger mistake, Tony. It was almost predictable."

"But I've killed him."

"Things have a way of bouncing back here. I wouldn't worry about him too much."

"Really? You're not just saying that?"

"I'm afraid I am just saying that. Watch this simple Prince alertness test. {He waggles a stick under Prince's nose} Come on, come on, come on. {He throws stick} Fetch. Fetch."

"That's not funny."

"It'll get funnier if we keep on doing it."

- Wolf and Tony

"But Virginia, breakfast is bacon and nothing sets my nostrils twitching like bacon in the morning. Little pigs parading up and down with their curly corkscrew tails...bacon sizzling away on an iron frying pan...baste it, roast it, toast it, nibble it, chew it, bite right through it, wobble it, gobble it, wrap it round a couple of chickens and am I ravenous!"

- Wolf

"What do you see?"

"Uh...a lot of trees."

"No, you see nothing. Look at everything that happened here last night while you slept."

"Like what?"

"You see that clearing? About midnight a badger trotted across there and then two hours later a mother fox took the path, but our presence spooked her so she went back into the trees. Then a half an hour after that, another fox appeared. Male, this time. Young and courting. I reckon he got his paws because I didn't see him come back. Or over there. You see over there where the undergrowth is disturbed? A noisy little wild boar was snuffling about. I can't believe he didn't wake you up...oh, oh, oh, or right in front of you, you see the passage of the mole, or over there a stag and a doe watched the sun come up with me, and that's not to mention the all night rabbit party, or the weasels or the pheasants or that, that owl...and you saw nothing?"

"I stand corrected."

- Wolf and Virginia

"Spare me some food."

"Sorry. We're down to our last six bacon sandwiches."

- The Old Woman and Wolf

"Virginia, you're such a soft touch."

"Yeah, soft touch..."

"Hey!"

- Tony and Wolf

"Love and romance, please. Marriage, children...how long is it gonna take for the creamy girls of my dreams to say yes? That kind of thing..."

"I see death."

"Oo."

"A young girl dead, torn to pieces."

"No. No. See I was thinking more along the lines of three girls and two boys."

"I see a fire being built. You are going to be burnt on it."

"No!"

"You are not what you seem. You are a wolf."

"And so is your Grandson."

- Wolf and The Gypsy

"Ow! Stop that! You're jerking it."

"Sorry. It's not that easy. You've got a lot of split ends."

- Virginia and Wolf

"Goodness gracious me, this is the Seven Dwarves house!"

- Wolf

"It's a pity Prince is a stiff; this is his Grandma's cottage."

- Wolf

"The days of happily ever after are gone. These are dark times."

- Wolf

"It's a lonely path in life to be different, as you know."

- Wolf

"Oh."

"Oh what?"

"Oh. Just oh. Oh. As in an encouraging, noncommittal noise. Try not to comment as you listen, as my very good self-help books tell me."

- Wolf and Virginia

"You must do something magnificent with your life."

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"Because your hurt is very great."

"They just split up, okay? God! Doesn't that ever happen where you come from?"

"Of course not. We either live happily ever after or get killed by horrible curses. You don't trust nobody."

"I don't trust you, no."

"Well, you may not get hurt, but...huff puff...you won't get loved, either."

- Wolf and Virginia

"Goodness me! Cripes!"

- Wolf

"Come along. We've got much to do if we're going to keep up with the mirror."

"You've got the hair, I've got the dog."

- Wolf and Tony

"He's got Virginia, that's what happened."

"No!"

"Yes."

"We'll never find her. Oh, it's all my fault, it's all my fault..." {He falls to his knees and howls}

- Tony and Wolf

Part One

Part Three