"Hellooo."

"What are you?"

"Me? A very, very fine chap, falsely imprison-"

"Do not make me ask again."

"I'm, ah...shhh...half-wolf."

"If I give you your freedom, you must agree to serve me without question."

"Oh, breakfast, lunch, dinner...I am your wolf; loyalty is my middle name."

- The Evil Queen and Wolf

"Huff, puff! What's going on?"

- Wolf

"Meat!"

- Wolf

"Grr...tasty! Remember what you came here for; find the Prince, find the Prince. But huff, puff...a wolf's gotta eat, hasn't he? Can't work on an empty stomach."

- Wolf

"I smell dog! Would you believe it? Work and pleasure combined." {laughs}

- Wolf

"So the specials are lamb-"

"Lamb?! Ooo, new seasons lamb I hope. Young and juicy, and frolicking provocatively in the fields...stop it! Pull yourself together. Some shepherdess, not really paying attention to the flock...probably asleep if I know little girls. Well I'm not gonna eat her. Not if there's a lamb fillet, or a nice fat rack of chops! I'm not greedy! Well I am greedy; I don't know why I just said that. I have a substantial appetite. Born to gorge - that's me."

- Waitress and Wolf

"Rare is not dangerously cooked. When I say rare I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me! No fries, no vegetables. Just meat. Red. Like a young girl's first blush."

- Wolf

"I'm looking for this lovely lady who found my doggie."

- Wolf

"Maybe she hurt herself when she fell."

"Oh, poor little sausage. Why don't you tell me where she lives? That way I can thank her."

"Oh, well I...I can't tell you where she lives. You know, um, I don't know who you are."

"You can tell me." {mock-bites}

- Waitress and Wolf

"Good Evening! Trolls have been to visit you first, I see. No matter! Tonight, and tonight only, I am authorised to make you a unique offer. Namely the end to all your personal and financial problems."

"Hey, hey, hey, just hold it a second right there. You take another stab I'm gonna call the cops. This is private property."

"Under the terms of this policy I am - in exchange for information as to the whereabouts of your daughter - able to offer you this magic bean which once eaten, will give you six glorious wishes. {Sees picture of Virginia} Is this her? This can't be her."

"What do you mean?"

"Well she's succulent! What a dreamy, crrreamy girl! {Starts whining, then howling} Tasty or WHAT?!"

- Wolf and Tony

"Six big wishes. Imagine having anything you desire. And from the look of your modest surroundings, I'm sure there are many things that you'd like to change."

"Oh you know I would...just get the hell out of my apartment, all right? {Wolf picks up a bone from Tony's plate and chews on it} This is a joke, right?"

{Wolf throws away the bone and pulls out the contract, proceeding to flap it around dramatically as he speaks} "No, no! It's a standard multiple wishes deal. Six wishes. No going back on wishes once made, no making five wishes then wishing for another thousand - now come on. Is that a fair deal or what?! Now...where is your lovely daughter?" {Wipes his mouth on his sleeve}

"What do you want her for?"

"Simply to reclaim my little puppy which she found earlier."

"Dog?"

"There's even a reward involved which I intend to give her personally." {His eyes glow}

{Tony signs the contract} "If she's not at work she'll be at my mother-in-law's."

"Oo."

"She's always trying to turn Virginia against me."

"Does this mother-in-law like flowers?"

"She likes money. It's the only thing that impresses her."

"Address, please. {Steals picture of Virginia} It's been a pleasure."

"Hold on a second! How long does this thing take to work?"

"Don't worry. The first three hours...are the worst."

- Wolf and Tony

"Oh, I...there must be some mistake. I do apologise. I was looking for Virginia's Grandmother."

"I am she."

"It cannot be! Her little sister, perhaps. Her mother, perhaps. But her Grandmother? Pah! You are a...dazzling beauty."

"Oh...well...I don't have my make-up on or anything yet."

"May I come in? I have flowers."

"Yes but who are you?"

"I am Virginia's suitor. Her betrothed." {He kisses the picture of Virginia}

"Betrothed? She didn't say anything about a fiancé."

"Oh how like her! How modest! Most girls would brag and boast about dating the heir to an enormous fortune, but not Virginia."

"Oh, well do come in."

"Oh yes." {He kisses her hand}

"I'll...I'll just go and get dressed."

"Yes. Get dressed."

- Wolf and Grandmother

{Grandmother is in a roasting pan, tied up and gagged, frantically trying to make noise throughout the whole scene. Wolf is moving around, shaking pepper over her} "I am so bad! I can't believe I'm doing this! Still...I suppose you would look better surrounded by potatoes. Where's the garlic? The rosemary? What do I have to work with here?! Three year old dried herbs? {Growls and opens the oven} Huff! You're not gonna fit in the oven, are ya? Not in one piece anyway. {Continues with the pepper and sings} 'Shepherdess makes quite a mess, but little lambs are lovely. Shepherdess...' ...oh what am I doing?! I should untie you. Oh, a poor old lady frightened out of her wits. I should untie you. But first I'll put a dollop of fat in the oven tray."

"Grandmother?"

"Oh guests are up and breakfast isn't ready!"

- Wolf and an off-screen Virginia

"Boy oh boy! You're fantastic! Your picture doesn't do you justice! WOW! {Looks at the meat cleaver he's holding} Oh no. How did this get here?" {Drops it}

- Wolf

"Oh you smell great! I've had little teasers of your scent before Virginia, but in the flesh...perfumes are not for me, no. I respond favourably to the audacity of a woman who flaunts her own arrroma, and you Virginia...you smell like Sunday lunch." {Growls}

"Keep away from me."

"Beautiful eyes. Beautiful teeth. All the right stuff in all the right places; no doubt about it I am in love!" {Puckers up for a kiss and whines; she breaks a vase over his head}

- Wolf and Virginia

"Let me put your mind at rest. Now that I've seen you, eating you is out of the question. {He kisses the cleaver before putting it down} Not even on the menu. Now, I know this may come out of the blue, {He runs a brush quickly through his hair} but; how 'bout a date? We started badly, but I take all the blame for that. {She hits him with the broom} Come on, give us a chance please. {She hits him in the groin} Oh! You are one dynamic lady, there's no question there." {She pushes him out the window. He howls as he falls, hits the garbage bags, then sighs and passes out in happiness}

- Wolf

"Can I help you?"

"I hope so. I'm very confused."

"You must be Paul's referral. He said you'd drop by to make an appointment."

"Can you tell me what I'm doing here?"

"Let's get to know each other a bit before we tackle the big questions, okay?"

"Yeah, big questions."

- The Psychiatrist and Wolf

"Home."

"Cooking."

"Coward."

"Chicken!"

"Wedding."

"Cake."

"Dead."

"Meat!"

"Sexual."

"Appetite."

"Love."

"Oh! To eat anything fluffy! Sorry, sorry, more than one word. Start again?"

- The Psychiatrist and Wolf

"Doc, I met this terrific girl and I really, really, really like her, but, the thing is..."

"Come on, say it. Say it!"

"I'm not sure whether I...I wanna love her, or eat her. Oh."

"Oh."

"Of course I blame my parents. They were both enormous. They couldn't stop eating. Every day when I came home from school it was eat this, eat that, eat her."

"You shouldn't punish yourself."

"Oh I should, I should. I'm bad, I'm so bad, I've done so many bad things...but that wasn't me you see. That was when I was a wolf. Doc, I wanna change! I wanna be a good person! Can't the lion cuddle up with the lamb? Can't the leopard rub out all its spots?"

- Wolf and The Psychiatrist

"Excuse me, I need everything on this list and anything else you might think is useful. Please? Miss? Thank you very much, and if my plan is successful, I will certainly invite you to the wedding! That's mine, that's mine too..."

- Wolf

"'How To Marry The Girl of Your Dreams'? That's exactly what I'm looking for."

- Wolf

Part Two

Wolfie pictures on this page provided courtesy of Meg's Place.