Disclaimer - DC and WB own them, etc etc.

I think the title kinda lets slip that this one's a humour fic *grin*. Clex, naturally. PG-13 for sexual implication.

Many, many thanks to my smoochie *smooooch*. Feedback would be fab.

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Mom was looking at them funny again.

Clark knew precisely why, of course - she thought there was something going on between him and Lex. Something that meant they were more than friends.

She was right, of course; he just wasn't ready to tell her that yet. Coming out to himself was still relatively new, coming out to Lex and starting their relationship even newer. That was all he felt comfortable dealing with at the moment.

He'd been living in the penthouse with Lex since starting at Met U. At first just as friends, so he could stay somewhere where he wouldn't risk someone seeing anything that would prove just how different he was. There was still the odd night when he sleep-floated.

Lex had just found it amazingly cool (and, as Clark had discovered more recently, he found it incredibly hot, too).

Clark was so glad he'd told him.

Smiling too brightly at Mom, Clark took another bite of his meal.

"I have to admit," Mom said eventually, smiling, "you're pretty handy with that frying pan, Lex. This is very good."

"Thank you, Mrs Kent," Lex smiled slightly at the compliment, which Clark knew meant that he was beaming inside. Lex was so cute. Clark wanted to lick him all over and made a mental note to do so as soon as his parents left.

The building. Or possibly Metropolis.

Maybe the whole licking thing could wait until his parents were all the way back in Smallville.

Dad, for his part, was quietly eating dinner. Slowly and kind of surely, he was finally adjusting to the fact that Clark's friendship with Lex wasn't about to end anytime soon - if ever. He may not have been saying much, but the important thing - to Clark at least - was that he was there.

The rest of them talked about college, LexCorp, the farm and anything else that came to mind. Two hours later, Clark was walking his parents to the door.

"Thanks for coming, Mom, Dad."

"Oh, we were happy to, honey." Turning in the open doorway, she moved to hug him. "I'm just glad you're settling into things so well." Pulling back, she faced Lex. "And as for you, young man..."

Lex actually blanched. "Yes, Mrs Kent?"

She smirked and held her arms out. "Where's my hug?"

Looking as relieved as Clark felt, Lex stepped into her hold and carefully hugged her back.

After that Clark was the recipient of the 'manly hug and back slap' routine from Dad, and Lex actually got a handshake.

"Thanks for having us over, Lex."

He was doing that internal beam thing again. "You've very welcome, Mr Kent. Both of you should feel free to drop by whenever you feel like it."

There were a few more murmurings of goodbye, one last "You boys' take good care of each other," from Mom (which made Clark squint at her suspiciously), and then Lex was closing the door.

Several large steps later, Clark was sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands. Quite frankly it'd gone much better than he'd expected, but there was still the fact that he was gay and hadn't told-

A hand was moving over his back, the sofa dipping next to him. A voice, warm next to his ear.

"Would it really be so bad if they knew?"

Clark knew Lex was only trying to be helpful, encouraging, but those words taken in another light...

Suddenly twisting on the sofa, Clark lifted his head and grabbed Lex's arm. "You know I'm not embarrassed, right? Or ashamed. You..." Only one thing he could say, now. "You're perfect. I'm still just not...used to it. That's all."

Smiling deeply, Lex's free hand kept running over Clark's back. "I know. Besides," he continued wryly, "it might be a good idea to wait until your dad actually likes me."

"He's getting better," Clark said, because that was all he could really offer.

"Oh, I agree," Lex nodded. "I fully anticipate that, at the rate he's progressing now, we'll be able to tell them all about us in about ten years' time." Lex was grinning again, making sure that no insult could be taken, but something else caught Clark's attention.

"You think we'll still be together in ten years?"

The smile faltered, Lex's gaze dropping away and then going all around the room before almost fearfully settling back on Clark. Licking his lips, he spoke softly. "I care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone."

Clark's resulting grin was huge and, had it been on anyone else, probably painful. There were still so many things he was trying to wrap his head around, but this wasn't one of them. "I think so, too." Breaking free of Lex's grasp, he stood up, grabbed Lex's hand and pulled him to his feet. "Come on. I have plans for you." He didn't care where Mom and Dad were.

"Oh do you now?" Lex retorted, letting himself be led to his own bedroom - which had pretty much become Clark's, too.

"All I can say," Clark promised, pushing a pliant Lex onto the bed and pulling off his shoes, "is that it involves my tongue."

There was licking to be done.

*

On his hands and knees in the kitchen, Clark was busy looking through the cupboard under the sink when he heard familiar footsteps enter the room. "Hey," he greeted. Positive that Lex would be checking out his ass, he wiggled it deliberately.

"What are you doing?" Lex asked, probably leaning back against something to enjoy the view.

"Looking for the frying pan. I can't seem to find it." It shouldn't have been under the sink, of course. That wasn't where they kept it. But on the off chance it'd been put in the wrong place, he was still looking.

"What about x-raying the cupboards?"

Even though Lex probably wouldn't be able to see the movement, Clark shook his head. "Tried that. Couldn't see it. Figured I might have missed it somehow and I should try looking for it the old-fashioned way." He really did have to concede defeat, however. There was no way in hell it was in this cupboard - he'd gone through everything.

Putting a few things back inside, he pushed himself to his feet and closed the doors. Opening his mouth to speak, Clark turned around and was suddenly ravaged by one very horny Lex Luthor.

Pleasure quickly overtaking surprise, Clark kissed and groped in return, moaning in complaint when Lex pulled his mouth away.

"How was school?"

"You weren't there," Clark murmured, managing to catch another small kiss, "it sucked."

Chuckling, Lex apparently decided to be lenient because he kissed him again, more thoroughly this time, before pulling back. "When was the last time you used it?"

There were any number of answers to that question, but Clark's fuzzied brain took a while to decide what it suspected Lex was actually referring to. Ah, right. Frying pan. "When Mom and Dad were here." Finding a good stripe of flesh on Lex's neck, he tasted it.

"Three..." Lex's breath caught. "...days ago. And it's definitely not in here?" His left hand slid down Clark's body, hiking up the t-shirt and pressing his fingers beneath the waistband of his jeans.

"Definitely, definitely not," Clark was sucking at the skin by now, one hand over Lex's ass to push them closer together.

"We should ask them," Lex whispered, angling his leg around until their groins were pushing together more, and ohhhhhh, that was good. "See if they have any-"

"Later," Clark growled, capturing Lex's mouth in a hard kiss and speeding towards the bedroom.

"Unnn, yeah," Lex panted as they fell onto the bed.

Clark loved it when Lex stopped using actual words.

*

Just because he could, Clark called his parents from his boyfriends bed, with said boyfriend snuggling up to him. Too relaxed to hold the handset up to his ear the whole time, he left it on speaker phone.

"Hey, Mom, it's me."

"Hi, sweetheart. Good to hear from you! How are you doing?"

Right now Lex was leaning over his back and placing small kisses along his shoulder, so... "Good, I'm doing good. Look, I know this is gonna sound kinda weird, but you didn't accidentally take the frying pan with you on Sunday, did you?"

"And bring it all the way back home without noticing?" she asked, obviously amused.

Lex chuckled quietly. Clark mock-swatted at him.

"I know, I know," Clark replied. "I was just wondering. We can't seem to find it, and Sunday was the last time we used it."

"Hmm," Mom said. "Well, where have you looked?"

"All through the kitchen," he answered, smacking Lex's hand lightly when it went somewhere it should never go when Clark was talking to his mother. "I can't think of any reason why it'd be anywhere else in the penthouse."

Apparently taking a few moments to think about it, Mom eventually spoke. "Have you tried looking in your bedroom?"

Uh. Huh. "Why on Earth would it be in my bedroom?" Lex was doing something to his back that shouldn't have been remotely sexy. It was making it hard to think.

"Why, Clark," Mom said, way too innocently, "if you're sleeping in your own bed I don't see how you could have missed the fact that I put it under your covers Sunday evening."

Oh, shit.

The tongue on his back stopped moving. "Wow," Lex said eventually. "She's good."

"Why yes, Lex," Mom replied, sounding justifiably smug. "Yes I am."

~FINIS