Beginning
by Suz suzvoy@tesco.net

Disclaimer - MGM/Gekko/Double Secret own them.

An episode addition for the yet to air seventh season episode 'Heroes', based on spoilers for that ep and only including spoilers for that ep. That said, it'd help if you've seen 'The Enemy Within', 'The Devil You Know' and 'Meridian' {g}. If you don't want to know what's meant to happen in 'Heroes', DON'T read this. Okay? ;)

Hmm. Seems I've been hit by the Angst Bus (Destination: Entity, via Divide and Conquer and Beneath the Surface).

*

You talk about Fraiser. Her compassion, her diligence - how the needles she frequently wielded were bigger than the woman who did the wielding. You speak of her professionalism, her attitude - the way she taunted those who dared to give her a hard time.

Most of them smile.

Some of them don't.

You step away from the podium, passing by Hammond. He spoke before you and now, someone else steps forward.

Carter.

Pausing frequently to catch her voice, not even attempt to stem her near-silent tears, she speaks of the Doc's caring nature, how she never failed to do the right thing. And on a more personal level, of their friendship, companionship, and - with a long look towards the young woman at this point - Cassie.

It's an unorthodox funeral, but that's who they are. Who she was.

Daniel's up next, pausing to hug Sam on the way as they intercept each other. It's almost been harder on him then anyone else, but you suppose that's understandable, given that he was there.

She steps away afterwards, and though she moved to 'watch' from behind you so you can't even see her, you know the very moment she leaves the room.

Turning your head, wincing, you catch a glimpse of her back just as it retreats completely out of the room and into the corridor.

You inch towards the exit slowly, quietly, trying not to draw attention. Just before you're home free Hammond sees you - holds your gaze, doesn't look away - but you keep moving because you can't not find her.

It's easy to know where she's heading, and she's there when you arrive: sitting quietly on a bed in the infirmary.

You've seen her cry since it happened, but for the most part it seemed...obligatory. Being the Good Soldier, keeping it together for Cassie's sake, and various other clichés. As if she were waiting for something.

But you're military; have been for a long time. You know that sometimes, something never comes.

You won't let that happen to her. You can't.

Movement powered by your legs propels you forward, hobbling across the infirmary until you reach her; but when you get there, you're not sure what to do. These situations were never one of your strong points.

Yet you've already lost two people who qualified as best friends - you know what this is like. What she's feeling. What she's trying not to feel.

You could give her a pep talk. Tell her that, eventually, she won't automatically think of Fraiser every time she walks into the infirmary - but as true as that is, you know she doesn't need you to say it. This isn't her first experience with loss, not by a long shot.

You start to say her name, when she whispers it thickly. One word. One that she's never said before, not like that.

"Please."

And you know what to do.

You move automatically, instinctively, your arms going around her. You shouldn't, you know you shouldn't because even though it isn't wrong per se, this is *her* and this is *you*, and it's that thing you never talk about.

But right now, this - *her* - is so much more important than *anything* that's ever been written. Right now, Hammond, the Chief of Staff, and the President himself could walk in, and you wouldn't move an inch.

She's still so quiet. Holding on, but barely breathing.

Anything, you tell her, kissing the top of her head. You'd do anything to make it go away.

And she begins to sob.

~FINIS

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