Disclaimer - Paramount, learn to count.
She didn't know what it was about this particular day, this particular evening, but everywhere she turned happy couples were laughing together.
Tom and B'Elanna, for once not arguing, were in the middle of feeding each other ice cream.
Harry and Megan giggling over something Naomi had said.
Samantha and Joe awkwardly trying not to look at each other on their first date.
A couple kissing in the turbolift.
Two members of the crew on deck nine, section twelve, doing quite obviously more than kissing.
It was days like these that she found herself wavering, her voice ordering the turbolift to a specific destination. She made it to his door this time. Before, the furthest she had come was staring out at the deck as the turbolift doors remained open, waiting for an instruction.
In a perfect Universe, she could imagine his reaction. A smile. His smile. Perhaps a brief moment of wonder if she had been taken over by an alien entity. Then acceptance. A warm embrace then laughter. Laughter.
In this Universe, she knew what his reaction would be. A frown. Questions. So many questions. Why? Why now? Why so long?
She leant a hand against the wall of the corridor.
She couldn't face that. Not today.
She pressed the button.
Stepping into his quarters she tried to let the darkness soothe her, calm her.
He was surprised, but the slight shifting of an eyebrow was all he betrayed. "Captain." He sat next to a table, his lamp resting on top, his index fingers pressed together.
"Is there room for another around your meditation candle? I find that I need some...clarity."
"Of course," he responded, nodding his head towards the other side of the table.
Carefully sitting where he indicated, she stared at the candle and willed her body to relax.
"The flame of the lamp is fire disciplined--tamed and under control," he began.
Listening as he continued, she eventually found her eyelids closing and although she began to loose any sense of what he was saying, his voice was somehow comforting.
Mere base emotions were stripped away and she found herself in a place only of thought; where everything could be deconstructed and clinically analysed.
A perfect Universe.
e-mail // voyager fic