Disclaimer - hah! These characters are mine...
Part one is here.
Many thanks to Kim who bugged me.
Keeva sat in her sparse quarters, thinking over her current situation. As she tried to relax, she found herself absently reaching for the necklace that lay underneath her uniform. When she realised what she was doing she admonished herself. If Control had known she was wearing non-regulation attire of any kind she could loose her command. Still, the pendant around her neck always brought her comfort as a reminder of a better time. A time before her people started falling into decay. Besides, it wasn't as if anyone could actually see what she was doing. These were her private quarters and she had them checked for surveillance devices every quarter.
Her hand reached for the necklace again but her door beeped loudly. Someone wanted to enter. Sighing slightly, she tapped the necklace through her dark green command top trying to take comfort from the fact that she still had it after all these years.
Standing tall, she walked over to door and accessed the small display screen next to it which would show her who wanted to enter. She couldn't say she was entirely surprised when she saw it was Hazon. He would be shocked to learn that she wore the necklace. He'd be shocked to discover that she still even had it after all this time. He was the one who had given it to her.
But that had been so long ago. It had been no small surprise when she'd be informed that her Commandant for this mission was going to be Hazon - former friend, ally, and lover. She disliked the way the fates appeared to relish in interfering with her personal life.
Deactivating the display, she unlocked the door and watched as it slid open and allowed him to enter. He never failed to steal her breath every time she saw him, but it was an instinct she had come to control. He could not see how he still affected her. It was not that he was particularly handsome, but the cause was his sheer presence. He was confidant, but not arrogantly so, and she knew he was capable of incredible passion. It was a combination she had appreciated in her youth. Truth be told, she still appreciated it now but that was something she tried not to think about.
She knew exactly why he had come to her.
"Commandant." She greeted, unable to keep the disapproving tone from her voice. He had no right to be here.
"Cantin." He responded. "I am here to inform you that so far our scans have still shown us no inkling as to why you have become pregnant, although we are receiving some interference from the nebula."
She feigned interest in his remarks. "I understand. Is it likely that something we cannot detect in the nebula is responsible?"
"I have discussed that possibility with The Healer and he believes that it may be a factor."
"You've been to see Healer Zoran. No doubt he told you about…"
"His recent discovery. Yes. I have to admit that I am quite…disturbed by his revelation." He admitted.
She turned away from him and began fiddling with the necklace knowing he couldn't see. "May I ask why?"
"I'd rather ask why you're not disturbed by the fact that you have an alien growing inside of you."
Keeva winced slightly at the harshness of his tone. She almost regretted letting Zoran tell him, but he was part of the command staff. He had a right to know.
"I don't know if I can explain it in terms you'd understand Hazon." She told him stiffly. "But I shall try." She exhaled heavily. How could she put what she felt into words? "I just know." Knowing an expression of disbelief would be on his face, she continued talking. "I know it's not something you want to hear, you'd rather have proof. But that's the best I can give you. Somehow…I just know that this child is not going to harm me."
"Think of it in these terms: if I were pregnant by a male of our race I would be suffering unbelievable pain at this moment. Is it not better than I do not? Since becoming pregnant the worst I have suffered is a sore back."
"Of course not." His voice was rough. "You know I'd never want you to be in pain. It just bothers me."
"May I enquire as to why it bothers you?"
He blurted out his thoughts before he realised what he was saying. "Because that should be my child you're carrying."
She swung around quickly, her anger charged partly because of his presumption, but also because she knew he was right. "Never say that!"
"Why not? You know it to be true. If it hadn't been for the collapse on Seena we would have had a child long ago."
"I cannot believe you are saying this!" she exclaimed. "Do you know what Control will do if they discover you have been talking like this?!"
"Of course I know." He responded harshly. "I've witnessed what happens several times since the collapse."
She glowered at him. "Then you know that we can never be together. Why do you pursue this?"
He laughed. It was as deep throated and as amused a laugh as she had ever heard. "Do you not realise? It's because of my feelings towards you Keeva. I can no longer deny them."
No, no, no! She couldn't listen to this. "I regret that you must express them because I cannot do the same. I have a responsibility to the people I command and our mission here."
"And what is our mission out here, Keeva?" he asked, exasperated. "Collecting samples from nebulas? Discovering little scientific curiosities which might aid our race to return to their former status? I don't believe it will work and neither do you. We will never be as we once were. Our race will continue to exist, even if it is not as rulers as the Allosian sector. Our leaders do not see that we are so intent on reliving our past that they do not realise we could be happy by simply existing. They do not see this, but you do."
Clenching her fingers together she tried to contain her fury. She had a duty. "You do not understand."
"I am a Hasonian." he growled "I understand perfectly. I-" his voice cut off as he examined her, suddenly realising something. All thoughts of anger left his mind and his eyes softened considerably.
Keeva was getting extremely paranoid by his sudden change. She was about to ask what was wrong when he spoke in an almost awed voice.
"You're wearing the necklace." The softness and reverence in his voice was evident.
Keeva glanced down and noticed in horror that he was right. She must have still been fiddling with it when she'd turned around to face him earlier. She did the only thing she could. "It's not the same one." She insisted.
He became angry again. "Do not insult me by lying Keeva. It took me weeks to carve it. I know it by heart, by touch." He moved forward with his hand raised to feel it, to confirm that it was real. She couldn't move.
His hand wrapped itself around the necklace and he pulled it gently. Running his fingers over the small design he remembered. In those brief seconds he remembered everything. The long, arduous hours spent making it, the pure joy on her face that only made his joy even greater. The intricate carving was of both their family names entwined, a gesture that only lovers or those who planned to join together made.
"Why do you still wear it? I didn't even know you still had it."
"It's very beautiful." She replied, staring down at the pendant. "It relaxes me."
Finally he released it, but he could still feel the carving imprinted on the palm of his hand. "Relaxes you? How?"
Keeva kept her eyes focused on the pendant, which she was now holding in her right hand. She rubbed her thumb across it slowly, thoughtfully. "It reminds me of the way things used to be, before the collapse. When our lives weren't strictly regimented. When we could pursue our own dreams and do whatever we wished." She eventually lifter her gaze to meet his. "I cherish the time we spent together Hazon, never make the mistake of thinking otherwise. But our situation is different now. We have too much responsibility."
He frowned at her lovingly. "I know. But can we not have both? Can we not have that responsibility and have a fulfilling relationship?"
Keeva, unaware of the hormonal unbalance Human females had while pregnant was wondering why she felt like she was going to cry. "You think I don't want that? But the cost, Hazon. The cost! If Control discover this you know what they would do to you. I cannot allow that!"
Hazon, for his part, was stunned. He had never seen Keeva cry. She was not an emotional woman by nature.
Before he could offer any comfort she slapped her left hand over her mouth and ran towards the private facilities room. Not caring for decorum in this situation he ran after her to see what was wrong. He soon discovered what was wrong when the contents of her stomach were propelled out of her mouth with such force that he feared for her life.
END PART TWO
e-mail // voyager fic