Disclaimer - Paramount own them. No infringement intended.
A 'Impulse' episode addition. Spoilers for 'Breaking The Ice' and 'Impulse'.
*smooches nel for the title and generally being cool*
This is for my hon, who I so don't deserve.
*
The Vulcan mind was a delicate puzzle. It was as if there were a great many pieces that had to be put into just the right places - otherwise emotions wouldn't hold, reactions would be nothing but instinct.
Anarchy.
At that precise moment - and at more than one proceeding it - her mind was in that very state.
It was of no consolation that she had at least improved somewhat since leaving sickbay, that her more...hysterical...reactions had been reigned in. That did not matter. She was still too...not herself.
'Not herself'? At what point had she started thinking like-?
Something beeped.
T'Pol's eyes flew open, glaring at the offending door. Rapidly aware of how illogical that act was and how angry she was feeling, she spoke. "Enter." Whoever it was would be dealt with and told to leave quickly. She had no compunction in letting them know that she had no intention of spending time with anyone in her current condition.
As with everything else, she tried to quash the ridiculous feeling of relief that flashed through her mind when the door opened to reveal Commander Tucker.
Seeming somewhat hesitant, he nonetheless stepped inside. "Sub-Commander." As the door hissed shut behind him, he studied her quarters as if seeing them for the first time.
Frowning as she looked up at him from where she was sitting on the floor, she tried to ascertain why he was there. They had no neuro-pressure sessions scheduled for this time. Perhaps he required help with one of the ships systems. "May I assist you with something, Commander?"
"No, no," he said, seeming quite surprised. Hesitant again, he pointed towards the floor "May I?"
"There is no one else sitting there presently."
Apparently taking that as the yes that it was, he lowered himself down until he was sitting opposite her, with her meditation candle between them.
As she looked at him, T'Pol was suddenly struck by the illogical urge to inform him of how pleasing his features appeared by candlelight.
Willing her control to improve, she spoke, simultaneously wanting him to stay, yet leave her quarters. Most perplexing. "What did you want, Commander?"
"Actually," he said, "I just wanted to see how you were doing. Phlox hasn't said anything of course - no matter how many times I try to bribe him with a sickbay systems upgrade. But, well...it was clear when you came back that you weren't quite yourself."
He was checking up on her? "You came to check...to ascertain my wellbeing?"
Amused by something, he smiled slightly and shrugged. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."
The reaction that statement provoked in her current state was quite remarkable. So she did everything she could to ignore it.
"I thank you for your concern, Commander, but I assure you I am fine."
He tilted his head to the left slightly, squinting at her, a movement that made her feel profoundly uncomfortable (feel? Why was she feeling?).
"Commander?"
"Well Sub-Commander, having carefully studied all the relevant information, I've come to the conclusion that you are telling a whopping great lie."
Was he attempting to be...funny? "I am not lying."
"Yes you are. I can tell."
"I do not believe you can, as I am not lying."
"You're frowning," he announced, as if that suddenly gave his theory any kind of logical sense, "it's a dead giveaway."
"Frowning?" She could scarcely believe this conversation.
"Yup." Lifting his right hand up, he moved it towards her and extended his index finger until it was approximately one inch from her forehead. "Couple of frown lines. Right there."
T'Pol rolled her eyes upwards, attempting to focus on his finger, before she realised what she was doing. "This is an absurd conversation."
"I'm just saying," he continued as he lowered his hand, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with her, "that generally indicates that everything is not okay."
"Or perhaps," she told him, "it could indicate that I am concentrating on something. 'Frown lines' do not necessarily denote that someone is not 'okay'."
"What's there to concentrate on?" He shrugged. "It's only me here."
"Yes, but you are insisting on participating in this bizarre conversation."
"Are you saying I'm too much for you to handle?"
It really was most fortunate that Vulcans had long since given up their violent tendencies; Commander Tucker would no doubt have been disposed of some time ago. "That is not what I'm saying." She all but seethed, annoyed at him and at herself for letting him do this to her. "I believe it would be best if you left."
Seeming disappointed (she should not have been feeling the same), he nonetheless complied, standing up and walking towards the door.
She didn't rise to follow him.
However, Commander Tucker being Commander Tucker, he didn't leave immediately, pausing and turning back to look at her.
"Look," he sighed, "I'm sorry about all that. I know I shouldn't but you're just so easy to rile up sometimes. And don't even *try* telling me that you don't enjoy doing the same to me."
Her mouth opened to instantly deny it...but then she really would have been lying. And he was at least having the grace to apologise.
Instead she said nothing.
He continued softly. "I meant what I said before. I wanted to see if you were okay. And though you're not big on discussing those feelings of yours, if you do need to talk, you know where to find me. Hell, you've discussed things with me before that you've never discussed with anyone else-"
She responded before she realised she was going to. "That was only because you read a highly personal message that was addressed to me. Had you not done so-"
"I *told* you that was an accident!"
"So you claim."
"Well, if you hadn't been sneaking around in the first place, encrypting and secretly sending messages, I never would have thought it looked suspicious, and I *certainly* wouldn't have..." He stopped. "Wait a minute..."
T'Pol told herself quite firmly not to smile.
No matter how much she wanted to.
"Damn, you're good." He said with a strong note of admiration.
She felt strangely warm at the tone in his voice. "You are most adequate yourself."
He snorted. "Uh, yeah, I'm gonna guess that's a Vulcan compliment and be flattered." Clearing his throat, he gestured to the door behind him. "I'll get out of your hair now. If you do need to talk..."
"I'll know where to find you." She nodded.
"Good." Clasping his hands together he smiled, before being forced to unclasp them to access the door controls. "'Night T'Pol."
"Goodnight, Commander."
And then she was alone.
But somehow she felt less so.
~FINIS